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[14 Dec 2007|12:21am] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
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so apparenlty cory deleted a bunch of shit off my journal.
I dont even care right now.
Im just going to bed
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[28 Oct 2007|12:49pm] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
] |
i'm home from orlando.
and of course, it went by WAY too fast.
back to drama, and life, and stress :/
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[11 Oct 2007|07:04pm] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
] |
so so exhausted, but so excited for next week.
all my weekends usuallly seem like they're going ot be amazing but somehow fall apart.
i neeed ne wthings to do or something
can't wait till tally on saturday : ]
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[08 Oct 2007|05:03pm] |
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mood |
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 silly |
] |
I'm always so busy lately.
I hope i can raise my grades and make sure i have at least b
s and hopefully get almost all of them to a's so i can raise my gpa somee!
and haunted house this weekend, possibly real haunted/abandoned houses sometime this weekend also.
and only 16 days till horror nights in orlando!
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[06 Oct 2007|01:29pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
] |
I really just want to be in illinois with people that really actually just CARE.
i mean i know people here care but it's just a race to get to the top of some ladder of having more friends, not many people actually care.
buttt oh well, i had a great night last night chilling with monica, jazz, wehunt and shane : ]
itwassssa cute/fun time!
goodnightt.
time for pensacolaaa/road tripppp!
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[04 Oct 2007|11:00pm] |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
] |
i'm so glad its october, and i'm so glad its the weekend.
timeeeee to party : ]
haha not really, but idk, zoo/pensacolaaa/show and all that on saturday : ]
and tommorows just going to be greattt :]
haha
20 days till i leave for orlando.
fuckkk yes.
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[02 Oct 2007|10:57pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
] |
so from reading comments i'm figuring i've been lied to.
when i see something that says " it's going to cut our fuckyfucky time in half"
i need to stop caring, i need to stop caring.
i can't though, and its so hard.
i try not to think about him because i know we're just going to hurt each other.
but i just miss him so much.
and i hope he has a good birthday no matter what.
but i hate my life right now
and i'm really starting to think i need help.
I wouldn't do anything stupid i just don't know how to deal with this anymore.
I hate love.
i can't take it.
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[01 Oct 2007|07:28pm] |
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mood |
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 guilty |
] |
my life is fuckingggg going insane right now.
I just wish it was drama free.
I need to get in control, or else i'm abou tto fucking go insanearaerleakrjr.
crazy
i've just had a bad night.
and i need some time to cool off
wow, sorry ha
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[25 Sep 2007|10:13pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
] |
Thursday fridays or saturdays, prob a few in october are going to be spent in jaycees haunted house.
i love being scared.
and the orlando.
i hope this month gets me back on track with my confident/happieness.
i'm so fucking tired of not staying in a good mood.
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| pointless |
[24 Sep 2007|08:20pm] |
i never realized how fast people grow up.
I had a friend that i used to talk to who's now the equal of a playboy bunny.
the worlds so different now then it was like 5 years ago.
haha wow.
school's too overwhelming and i need to concentrate.
pointless entry ha
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[18 Sep 2007|10:55pm] |
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mood |
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 predatory |
] |
This has been the busiest week all year so far. and it's only been like 4 or 5 weeks since school started.
i'm so overloaded with work, alot of homework cause i'm in higher classes and finding college.touring/ also trying to have free time.
Tommorow=tally and i'm excited to take a break.
i need to catch up no homeowrk this week, and if not catch up ALot th is weekend.
my english four honors class is so damn intense.
Goodnight, and i hope everyone has a good week.
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[13 Sep 2007|11:09pm] |
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mood |
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determined |
] |
I want to be content with things, i mean i am, lifes getting better i'm getting more comfortable in my own shoes again and i'm becoming better friends with sarah and it's good to have someone to actually seriously talk to.
I want to fall in love all over again, i want to feel safe in someones arms, i want to be looked at and just know that he thinks i'm beautiful, i want to be wanted as bad as i want him, i just want to be someones SOMEONE.
I want to be an US again, i hate being a me, it gets too lonely and boring and LAMEE.
anyway, i wrote a really long 2 page or so long thing about someone i was in love with and when i re read it i realize how strong all my feelings were and are and how i love how intense love can be when you really really are in love.
wow.
Maybe i'll post it soon, not that anyone really reads my journal anymore.
Goodnight.
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[09 Sep 2007|09:21pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
] |
Really, the only arms i want to be in are his.
and he probably doesn't even think of me anymore.
I wish everything was fixed, I wish people didn't change and i wish i had a boyfriend.
I've become so uncontent with everything except my friends lately and i don't nkow how to change it.
I might go see a therapist soon if stuff doesn't change
I'm scared to grow up.
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[03 Sep 2007|11:58pm] |
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mood |
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confused |
] |
I've become scared of so much, i need to be proud of who i am and start being that confident girl again.
I had a great weekend, and i keep on going from the mindframe of do i want a boyfriend and commitment or will it just be pointless.
I just want something seroius sometime soon, so that if i ever do get sad i have that ONE person to turn to :]
i want to visit illinois soon.
baddd!
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[12 Aug 2007|05:52pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
I think i think about things too much.
I'm not the confident girl i used to be, i always worry what otheres think about me now, and seem to be way too dependent on something.
and it really is starting to b other me cause if i'mnot with people i start to think alot and get unhappy and it's really just starting to bother me.
does anyone have any advice or anything that could help?
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[10 Aug 2007|03:23am] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
] |
first off.
i've gotten three tickets
once in january which i got rid of those three points by doing the driver course thing online, second time got three points and this time got 4, and if you get more than 6 points before 18 you lose your liscence.
so i'm screwed and my dads going to take this to court so that i don't lose it, this makes me realize how much he truly does love me haha.
Oh wow, court is going to be horrible cause i will be so unable to be serious most likely haha, or won't know what to say.
But today all over made me so happy because i talked to cory, i've missed him so much and just trying to forgive and forget and just being friends has made me so happier.
I'm just glad he's back in my life.
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[08 Aug 2007|04:02am] |
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mood |
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complacent |
] |
I'm just a kid who wants this to mean something.
wow.
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[22 Jul 2007|05:12pm] |
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mood |
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 cranky |
] |
i wrote this two years ago.
but i still pretty much feel the same.
awh.
read:
i like childhood. i like the days when we didnt know what pain was, or we did but thought the farthest part of pain was falling and scraping our knee, i miss elementary school when we had partys for every holiday, i miss when boys had cooties and it was wierd when girls were friends with boys, i like remembering my first crush, my first heartbreak, my first kiss, i like thinking about my first house and how nice and small it was, i like having dreams over and over again even if at the time i didnt realize that they meant something, i like having inside jokes with my friends..even the ones i dont talk to anymore, i like love..even though it hurts like a bitch at times, i like family even if at times i just want to say i hate them, i like traveling and i miss when i could fit by where my parents feet were and just slept the whole way, i miss not being scared of sleeping in a house by myself, i miss preschool when all you did was make things and have fun, i miss not having a cell phone that i could loose, i miss that little teddy bear taht used to talk with " you and the tv", i miss my friend that died at age 13, i miss my grandparents...all 4 of them, i miss everything about childhood. I miss when people didnt label others, i like when i could go to a boys house and just sit there and talk, i like when i go to a show and sit next to a boy..thinkign of how much i like him but he never knew, i like getting confused right before i get asked out, i like thinking of happy things..to bring me away from the sad things.
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[05 Jul 2007|03:32am] |
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mood |
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exhausted |
] |
i work so much, i don't get enough sleep and im going on vacation in aweek.
When i get back i'm going to make the best of working, spend as much time with my family and friends equally, if i can possibly do so, and sleep.
: ]
I had a bad fourth of july but i hope everyone else had a great one : ]
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[26 Jun 2007|04:22pm] |
I am soooo exhausted and i really don't think i'm giong to tallahasee to see brandon anymore cause all the plans are falling through, i mean it would have been nice to see him but oh welllll.
I can't stop thinking about someone that helped me grow up.
I still care about him i realized and it hurts to think about what he's doing with my life.
I guess i understand what he says when he says how bad it hurts with what i'm doing but i'm just acting like that to try and get over him.
I think i'll always love him, no matter what.
Everyone probably knows who i'm talking about.
But i do miss you, and i wish so so so bad that everything could be like how it was two years ago, when all the trust was there and we both did favors and stuff to make each other happy, not sad.
I hope you have a happy life, really, cause i do care, alot.
And i'll always be willing to have you in my life.
You're still in my heart.
And if you have anything mean to say to th is entry, just don't say it at all, i'm going to be a happier nicer person and i don't need negativity.
Thanks.
<3
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